Unbroken: Chapter 14
“The first step to solving any problem is to not hide from it, and the first step to any form of action is awareness.” – Ryan Holiday
Responsibility, a term often intertwined with duty or obligation, harbors a far deeper significance when it comes to resilience and personal growth. It’s about taking ownership, accepting that the reins of our life are in our hands. It’s about recognizing that our actions and reactions—how we interpret and respond to life’s adversities—are under our control. It’s about understanding that the power to shape our life story rests with us.
Ryan Holiday, in his book “The Obstacle is the Way,” reinforces this very idea: “There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”
In this chapter, we’ll explore the concept of responsibility and its role in resilience, delve into strategies to take ownership of your journey, and share examples of individuals who have wielded this power to overcome adversity.
Understanding the Concept of Responsibility and Its Role in Resilience
Responsibility, in its essence, is about ownership and control. However, when delving into the concept of responsibility as it relates to resilience, we venture beyond the surface definition. Responsibility, within this context, is an affirmation of the power we hold to shape our own lives. It’s a statement, a belief, and a practice asserting that we have control over our reactions, interpretations, and responses to life’s adversities.
Psychologists term this as having an ‘internal locus of control,’ a psychological concept that refers to an individual’s belief in their capacity to influence their life’s events. Individuals with a strong internal locus of control perceive that they can control their destiny, their reactions to life events, and, ultimately, their psychological and emotional state. This is contrasted with an external locus of control, where individuals feel they are at the mercy of external forces and circumstances beyond their control.
The locus of control theory, introduced by psychologist Julian Rotter, has been a focal point in numerous studies examining resilience. People with a high internal locus of control, who believe they can influence their circumstances, are more likely to exhibit resilience in the face of adversity. They tend to view challenges as problems to be solved rather than as insurmountable obstacles, contributing to a higher degree of psychological resilience.
The significance of responsibility in resilience can also be found in the work of renowned psychologist Albert Bandura. His concept of self-efficacy—the belief in one’s ability to influence events and outcomes—dovetails perfectly with this idea. Bandura posited that those with a strong sense of self-efficacy are more likely to take on challenging tasks, persist in the face of adversity, and recover more quickly from setbacks—all key characteristics of resilience.
Furthermore, Martin Seligman, often called the father of positive psychology, has done extensive work on learned helplessness and learned optimism. He found that people who learned helplessness (a state where individuals feel they have no control over the outcomes of a situation) could be retrained into learned optimism by shifting their explanatory styles and adopting a more personal, permanent, and pervasive outlook. This shift is essentially about taking responsibility for one’s mindset and outcomes, which is a potent form of resilience.
Embracing responsibility doesn’t mean that we can or should control everything—it’s about recognizing what we can influence and focusing our energy there. It’s about refusing to be passive spectators of our lives and stepping up to the plate as active participants, directors of our own life stories. This understanding of responsibility and its role in resilience is essential for personal growth and mental toughness.
Strategies for Taking Responsibility for Your Actions and Circumstances
Taking responsibility is an active, not passive, process. Here are some strategies to help cultivate this trait:
Embrace the power of choice
The first strategy to cultivating responsibility is acknowledging and embracing the power of choice. In every situation, no matter how difficult, we always have choices. It might not be between ideal outcomes, but there is always a choice to be made.
Making a choice is an exercise of power, and it’s at the heart of taking responsibility. This step is about acknowledging that you always have a choice in how you interpret events, how you react to situations, and how you move forward from adversity. Psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, profoundly encapsulated this notion in his book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning,’ where he wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Recognizing the power of choice often begins with small, everyday decisions. You might not be able to control a sudden downpour, but you can choose to either run for cover or to enjoy the rain. Similarly, if a coworker is rude to you, you have the power to choose your response—whether you let it ruin your day or whether you decide to rise above it.
An important aspect of embracing the power of choice is accepting that all choices have consequences. This means understanding that every decision you make shapes your reality in some way, and being willing to take ownership of those outcomes. Even choosing not to make a decision is, in itself, a decision—with its own set of outcomes.
Embracing the power of choice involves consciously and intentionally making decisions that align with your values and your desired outcomes. It involves consistently choosing actions and responses that reflect the person you want to be and the life you want to lead.
Engaging with the power of choice fosters a sense of personal control and agency, which are crucial for resilience. It’s an empowering experience to realize that while you might not be able to control all the external circumstances of your life, you always have a say in how you respond to them, and in turn, the person you become.
Practice Mindful Reflection
Practicing mindful reflection is another key strategy in cultivating a sense of responsibility. It requires us to take a step back, to observe our thoughts, actions, and reactions without judgment, and to learn from these observations. It’s a conscious effort to be present, to be self-aware, and to develop an understanding of how our choices and actions shape our lives.
Mindful reflection involves looking inward and asking ourselves meaningful questions: Why did I react that way? What were the consequences of my action? How did my choices align with my values and goals? This practice promotes self-awareness and encourages us to take ownership of our behaviors and emotions.
When we reflect on our actions and choices, we have an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, to appreciate our successes, and to gain insights about our habits and patterns. This learning and understanding is vital for growth and progress. As Carl Jung, the renowned psychiatrist and psychoanalyst said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
Practicing mindful reflection also leads to greater emotional regulation. As we become more aware of our emotional responses and their triggers, we can consciously choose how to react in the future, thereby taking control of our emotional lives.
Moreover, mindful reflection is critical for developing empathy, which is essential for responsible behavior. By reflecting on our own experiences and emotions, we can better understand others’ perspectives and reactions, fostering empathy and compassion.
In essence, mindful reflection helps us realize that we are the architects of our own lives, shaping our reality through our choices, actions, and reactions. It empowers us to take responsibility for our lives and our happiness, which is a cornerstone of resilience.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Cultivating a growth mindset is another essential step in embracing responsibility and developing resilience. This concept, coined by Stanford psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, suggests that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, good strategies, and input from others. It stands in contrast to a fixed mindset, which views these qualities as static and unchangeable.
People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than as insurmountable obstacles. They believe that they can improve their abilities and increase their intelligence through effort and persistence. They also recognize the role of effective strategies and are willing to learn from criticism.
Applying this concept to taking responsibility means understanding that we can grow and improve through our actions and choices. It requires seeing mistakes and setbacks not as permanent reflections of our character or abilities, but as valuable feedback that can help us learn and improve. As Dweck explains, “In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.”
By cultivating a growth mindset, we also take responsibility for our learning and growth. We acknowledge that it is our efforts and actions that lead to improvement and success, and we embrace the power and agency we have to shape our lives. This is a crucial aspect of resilience, as it empowers us to face challenges head-on, knowing that we have the ability to overcome them and learn from the experience.
Furthermore, a growth mindset fosters a positive and constructive view of ourselves and our potential. It nurtures self-confidence and self-efficacy, which are integral to resilience. It encourages us to take calculated risks, to step out of our comfort zone, and to persist in the face of difficulties, all of which are vital for personal growth, resilience, and success.
In sum, cultivating a growth mindset is about embracing the belief that we are in control of our own abilities and that we can develop and improve through dedication and hard work. This mindset encourages us to take responsibility for our actions, our learning, and our growth, making it a vital tool for resilience.
Seek Feedback and Learn
One of the critical steps in taking responsibility and building resilience is actively seeking feedback and being open to learning. Feedback, whether positive or constructive, is a crucial component of personal and professional growth. It can help us understand our strengths, identify areas for improvement, and develop new skills and competencies.
When we talk about seeking feedback, it involves a proactive approach. It’s not just about waiting for others to offer their thoughts but actively asking for their perspectives and advice. This could be as simple as asking a colleague, “How do you think I handled that situation?” or asking a friend, “What could I have done better in that scenario?”
Feedback becomes particularly valuable when we see it as an opportunity for learning and growth, rather than as criticism. This perspective aligns with the principles of the growth mindset mentioned earlier. Feedback is not a judgment of our worth or capabilities, but rather a tool that can help us better ourselves.
It’s also essential to develop the skill of giving and receiving feedback effectively. This involves listening attentively, asking clarifying questions, refraining from defensiveness, and expressing appreciation for the feedback. On the giving side, effective feedback is specific, balanced, and delivered with the intent of helping the other person grow.
Learning is also a key part of taking responsibility. By continually seeking to learn and grow, we demonstrate a commitment to our personal development and progress. This could involve reading books, attending workshops, pursuing further education, or seeking mentorship.
Notably, seeking feedback and continuous learning go hand in hand. Feedback often highlights areas for learning, and learning can help us make the most of the feedback we receive. For example, feedback might highlight a need to improve our communication skills, which we could then address through reading, attending a workshop, or seeking coaching.
In summary, seeking feedback and continuous learning are vital strategies for taking responsibility for our growth and development. They can help us improve our skills, adjust our behaviors, and enhance our understanding, contributing to our resilience and capacity to navigate life’s challenges.