Unbroken: Chapter 17
Heraclitus, the ancient Greek philosopher, captured an essential reality of existence when he said, “Change is the only constant in life.” This profound yet simple truth resonates across cultures, generations, and contexts, and remains as relevant now as it was thousands of years ago. Recognizing and acknowledging this fluidity of life forms the cornerstone of resilience, as change, in its many forms, presents a perpetual testing ground for our personal resilience.
Life can often feel like a vast, unpredictable sea—calm one moment, stormy the next. Each wave that crashes against our metaphorical ship represents change, whether it’s a minor adjustment to our daily routine or a major life event like moving cities, changing careers, or losing a loved one. We may be tempted to resist these waves, to anchor our ship in the tranquil harbor of familiarity and routine. Yet, to truly sail—to live—we must learn to ride these waves. In doing so, we harness the power of resilience, allowing ourselves to navigate life’s ever-changing waters with grace, strength, and flexibility.
This chapter is about transforming our relationship with change. It’s about shifting our perception from viewing change as an unwelcome disruptor to seeing it as an opportunity for growth and evolution. It’s about embracing the unpredictable, riding the waves with confidence and poise, and emerging stronger on the other side.
In this journey, we will first delve into why change is inevitable and how it serves as both a challenge and catalyst for our resilience. We will then explore strategies for adapting to and embracing change, providing practical tools and insights to help you navigate your unique seascape of life. Finally, we will share inspiring stories of individuals who have successfully charted their course through significant life changes, embodying the principles and strategies we discuss.
As we embark on this exploration of change, let us remember that resilience isn’t about avoiding the waves, but learning how to ride them. Let us take to heart the wisdom of Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in the mindfulness movement: “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Welcome aboard the journey of embracing change, the resilient way.
17.1 The Inevitability of Change and Its Role in Life’s Challenges
Change is embedded in the very fabric of existence. From the rising and setting of the sun to the transition of seasons, the ebbs and flows of economies, and even the cellular processes in our bodies—change permeates every level of our lives. This universal principle also applies to our personal circumstances, ambitions, relationships, and identities. All these are subject to constant flux, even if the pace of change might differ.
The relationship between change and challenge is complex yet fundamental. Life’s challenges are often the manifestations of change—unexpected situations, shifts in the status quo, or novel demands that require us to adjust and adapt. For instance, the loss of a job necessitates a change in lifestyle and a search for new employment. Moving to a new city demands adjustment to a different environment and potentially building a new social network.
In the words of neuroscientist and author Abhijit Naskar, “Change is not a battle with uncertainty, but negotiation with it.” Uncertainty, a natural companion of change, poses a challenge because it forces us into unfamiliar territory, stirring up feelings of anxiety and discomfort.
The role of change in life’s challenges, therefore, is not necessarily negative. Change disrupts, but it also opens up opportunities. It removes the old, but it also creates space for the new. It generates discomfort, but it also spurs growth. These dual facets of change remind us of the Japanese concept of “kintsugi,” where broken pottery pieces are mended with gold, symbolizing that breakage and repair are part of the object’s history, making it more beautiful.
Resilience is our response to the challenge of change. When we practice resilience, we learn to view change not as a threat but as a stimulus for personal growth and adaptation. Dr. Brene Brown, a renowned research professor at the University of Houston, beautifully encapsulates this in her statement, “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
Understanding the inevitability of change allows us to anticipate, prepare for, and skillfully navigate life’s challenges. We learn to perceive change not as an enemy but as an essential aspect of our human journey. In the following sections, we will delve into strategies for adapting to change, maintaining our equilibrium during life’s storms, and converting life’s trials into stepping stones for growth and resilience.
17.2 Strategies to Adapt to and Embrace Change
Adapting to and embracing change is a multifaceted process. It involves managing emotions, altering perspectives, and taking actions that align with new circumstances. Here, we’ll explore some scientifically-backed strategies that can facilitate this process and help us ride the waves of change with grace and resilience.
- Practice Emotional Agility: Coined by psychologist Susan David, emotional agility is the art of navigating our inner world with curiosity, compassion, and courage. When faced with change, it’s natural to experience a gamut of emotions – fear, anxiety, excitement, or sadness. Emotional agility involves acknowledging these feelings without judgment and choosing actions that align with our values, despite the emotional discomfort. As Susan David states, “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”
- Cultivate an Optimistic Outlook: Optimism doesn’t mean denying the difficulties that change brings. Rather, it involves acknowledging the challenges and maintaining a belief in our ability to handle them effectively. Studies have shown that optimism can buffer the impact of stress and foster better adjustment during times of change.
- Reframe the Narrative: Cognitive reappraisal or reframing is a powerful tool for dealing with change. This involves altering the way we interpret a situation to manage emotional responses better. Reframing helps us see change not as a threat but as an opportunity for growth.
- Develop Flexible Coping Strategies: Not all changes are alike, and hence, a one-size-fits-all approach to coping may not be effective. Flexibility in coping involves assessing the nature of the change, our resources, and then choosing a strategy that is most suitable. This could range from problem-focused coping, where we directly tackle the issue at hand, to emotion-focused coping, where we work on managing our emotional responses.
- Build a Support System: As social beings, we are wired for connection. Having a supportive network can provide emotional comfort, practical assistance, and diverse perspectives, all of which can be immensely helpful during times of change.
- Engage in Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present in the moment, can anchor us during times of change. By grounding us in the ‘here and now,’ it can help manage the uncertainties of the future and the regrets of the past that change often stirs up.
- Practice Self-care: Changes can be stressful, making self-care all the more important. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and activities that bring joy and relaxation can boost our overall well-being and resilience during change.
Understanding and implementing these strategies can help us adapt to and embrace change effectively. As change is a constant in life, building our proficiency in these strategies can serve as a lifelong asset, enhancing our resilience, and equipping us to face life’s flux with courage and confidence.