“Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life” by Eric Greitens is one of my favorite books of all time and one that I regularly return to. A former Navy SEAL and Rhodes Scholar, Greitens shares a series of letters to a fellow SEAL, navigating the challenges of life after service. These letters blend philosophy, personal experience, and practical advice to explore what it takes to build resilience and lead a meaningful life.
I’d encourage anyone interested in cultivating more resilience and meaning in their life to read this book. This summary does not do it justice at all – truly life changing.
Key concepts that Greitens elaborates on include:
- Purpose
- Pain and Suffering
- Responsibility
- Reflection
- Habit
- Mastery
- Happiness
Let’s dive deeper into each of these concepts:
Purpose: Purpose is a guiding force that helps us navigate life’s challenges and keep going even when things get tough. Greitens encourages us to find and articulate our purpose – something larger than ourselves that gives meaning to our actions and keeps us grounded. This purpose should not be a vague or lofty ideal but something tangible that we can actively work towards.
In daily life, finding purpose might involve exploring your passions, values, and strengths, identifying what really matters to you, and setting goals aligned with these. It’s about pursuing a path that gives you a sense of fulfillment and contributes positively to the world around you.
Purpose, as defined by Eric Greitens in “Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life,” is not a vague or distant goal but rather a clear and present guide to one’s everyday actions. Purpose is what gives meaning to our lives, acting as a compass to guide us and a driving force that propels us forward.
Purpose is intrinsically tied to our values, passions, and abilities. It’s about identifying what truly matters to us, what we genuinely care about, and then aligning our actions and decisions with these priorities. Purpose is not static, either—it can evolve and shift over time, adapting as we grow and our circumstances change.
In the context of resilience, purpose plays a crucial role. It gives us a reason to persevere in the face of adversity. When we have a strong sense of purpose, we are motivated to overcome obstacles, endure hardship, and keep moving forward because we have a clear understanding of why it matters.
To discover your purpose, you might start by asking yourself some probing questions:
- What are you truly passionate about?
- What are the causes, issues, or projects that deeply resonate with you?
- What are your unique skills or talents that you can contribute?
- Where do these passions and skills intersect with the needs of the world around you?
It’s important to note that finding your purpose is not a one-time event. It’s a process of exploration, reflection, and refinement. You might start with a broad sense of purpose and then gradually hone in on more specific goals and actions. Alternatively, you might discover new aspects of your purpose as you pursue various paths and gain new experiences.
Once you have a clearer understanding of your purpose, you can then work on aligning your life with it. This could involve setting goals that are directly related to your purpose, making career or lifestyle choices that enable you to pursue your purpose, or even simply adopting daily practices that reflect your purpose.
Remember, living a purpose-driven life is not about achieving grand or lofty goals. Rather, it’s about making choices each day that are in alignment with what truly matters to you. It’s about living authentically, making a positive impact, and finding meaning and fulfillment in your daily life.
Pain and Suffering: Greitens doesn’t shy away from discussing pain and suffering – instead, he emphasizes that these experiences, while difficult, can foster resilience and personal growth. He encourages us to view pain and suffering as teachers that can help us become stronger and wiser.
In practical terms, this might involve reframing our perspective on challenging experiences, recognizing the potential for growth in these situations, and developing strategies to navigate and learn from them.
In “Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life,” Eric Greitens discusses the complex relationship between pain, suffering, and resilience. He emphasizes that while pain and suffering are challenging experiences, they are not inherently negative. Instead, they can become powerful catalysts for growth and transformation.
Pain and suffering, in Greitens’ view, are a part of life, and cannot be avoided entirely. Everyone experiences hardships and adversities to varying degrees. However, it’s how we respond to these challenges that determine our growth and our resilience. Rather than attempting to escape or deny our pain, Greitens encourages us to acknowledge it, learn from it, and use it to foster strength and resilience.
This is not to say that pain and suffering are desirable, or that they should be sought out for their own sake. Rather, it’s an acknowledgment that when they do occur – as they inevitably will, in one form or another – they can be valuable teachers.
In practical terms, adopting this perspective might involve a few different strategies:
- Acceptance: The first step is to acknowledge your pain and suffering, rather than trying to avoid or suppress it. This might involve naming your feelings, allowing yourself to experience them without judgment, or expressing them in a constructive way.
- Reframing: This involves shifting your perspective on your pain and suffering, viewing them not just as negative experiences, but also as opportunities for learning and growth. This could involve asking yourself questions like: What can I learn from this experience? How can it make me stronger? How can it contribute to my growth?
- Action: Finally, it’s about using your pain and suffering as catalysts for action. This might involve using your experiences to foster empathy and compassion, to help others who are going through similar experiences, or to inspire you to make changes in your life that align with your values and goals.
Overall, pain and suffering can be deeply challenging experiences, but they can also be powerful tools for personal growth and resilience. By learning to acknowledge, learn from, and act upon our pain and suffering, we can transform these challenges into opportunities for strength and growth.
Responsibility: Greitens believes that taking responsibility for our lives is key to building resilience. This means acknowledging our role in our experiences, owning our choices, and recognizing that we have the power to shape our lives.
Responsibility, according to Greitens, is about acknowledging the role we play in shaping our own lives. It’s recognizing that we are the authors of our own stories and that our choices and actions have consequences. Responsibility is not about blaming ourselves for everything that happens to us. Instead, it’s about understanding that we have the power to influence our circumstances, to make choices, and to take actions that align with our values and goals.
In terms of resilience, taking responsibility is empowering. When we own our actions and decisions, we recognize our capacity to influence our situations. This allows us to respond proactively to challenges, to learn from our mistakes, and to make changes when necessary. It’s about understanding that while we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control how we respond.
In a practical sense, taking responsibility might involve:
- Acknowledging Your Role: This involves recognizing the impact of your choices and actions on your life. It might involve admitting when you’ve made a mistake, recognizing when your actions have contributed to a problem, or acknowledging when you need to make changes.
- Making Proactive Choices: This means making choices that align with your values and goals, rather than simply reacting to what happens to you. It might involve setting goals, making plans, and taking actions that move you closer to where you want to be.
- Learning from Your Experiences: Taking responsibility also involves learning from your experiences, both positive and negative. This might involve reflecting on your successes and failures, identifying what you’ve learned, and using this knowledge to inform your future choices and actions.
- Taking Charge of Your Responses: This involves choosing how you respond to the challenges and adversities that come your way. Instead of feeling victimized by your circumstances, it’s about finding ways to respond that empower you and align with your values and goals.
Overall, taking responsibility is a crucial aspect of resilience and personal growth. It’s about owning your story, recognizing your power to shape your life, and choosing to live in alignment with your values and goals.
Applying this concept might involve becoming more proactive, taking charge of our choices and actions, and accepting accountability for their consequences. It’s about shifting from a passive to an active stance in life.
Reflection: Reflection, according to Greitens, is a vital tool for learning and growth. He encourages us to reflect on our experiences, our feelings, and our reactions to gain deeper self-understanding and insight.
In our daily lives, we can make reflection a regular practice. This might involve journaling, meditation, or simply taking some quiet time each day to think about our experiences and what we can learn from them.
Greitens views reflection as a powerful tool for personal growth and a means to develop resilience. Reflection, in this context, refers to the practice of contemplating one’s experiences, emotions, and reactions to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and the world around them.
Reflection is a two-fold process. It involves looking inward to understand one’s emotions, motivations, and responses, and looking outward to understand the situation and the context in which one operates. It’s about developing a greater awareness of oneself and one’s experiences, fostering insight and understanding.
In the context of resilience, reflection can help us learn from our experiences, both positive and negative, and use this knowledge to navigate future challenges more effectively. Reflecting on our experiences can help us identify patterns in our responses, understand our strengths and weaknesses, and gain a clearer sense of what we truly value and care about.
Here are a few ways you could incorporate reflection into your everyday life:
- Journaling: This is a common form of reflective practice. You might write about your experiences, emotions, and reactions, exploring what you’ve learned and how you might apply this knowledge in the future.
- Meditation: This practice can also involve reflection, as it encourages you to focus on your present experience and observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
- Conversation: Discussing your experiences and thoughts with others can be a form of reflection. The act of articulating your thoughts can provide new insights, and others may offer perspectives you hadn’t considered.
- Self-Questioning: Ask yourself questions to encourage reflection. Questions could include: “Why did I react in that way?” “What emotions was I feeling, and why?” “What does this experience tell me about my values and priorities?”
- Artistic Expression: Creating art, whether it’s drawing, painting, music, or any other form, can be a means of reflection. The creative process can help you explore your emotions and experiences on a deeper level.
Remember, the goal of reflection isn’t to judge yourself or to dwell on negative experiences. It’s to gain insight, learn from your experiences, and use this knowledge to foster personal growth and resilience. By making reflection a regular practice, you can develop a deeper understanding of yourself and navigate life’s challenges more effectively.
Habit: Greitens discusses the power of habits in shaping our lives. He emphasizes that small, consistent actions can lead to significant changes over time, and encourages us to cultivate positive habits that align with our goals and values.
Applying this concept might involve identifying one or two small changes you want to make in your life, and then working to make these changes a consistent habit.
Greitens suggests that habits as fundamental building blocks of resilience. Habits, in this context, are repeated actions or behaviors that become a routine part of our lives, often done automatically without conscious thought.
Greitens emphasizes that our habits can significantly influence our life trajectory. Good habits can propel us towards our goals, improve our health, foster positive relationships, and cultivate resilience. On the other hand, bad habits can hold us back, causing us to get stuck in unproductive or unhealthy patterns.
The power of habit lies in its automatic nature. Once a behavior becomes a habit, it requires less conscious effort and willpower to perform. This makes habits an efficient way to implement positive changes in our lives. Moreover, over time, habits shape our identity and our perceptions of ourselves.
In terms of building resilience, good habits can support our physical health (like regular exercise), mental wellbeing (like mindfulness practice), relationships (like active listening), and personal growth (like continual learning).
Building positive habits might involve:
- Identifying Desired Changes: What behaviors or actions would you like to become habitual? These should align with your values and goals. For example, if you value health, a desired habit might be daily exercise.
- Start Small: Habits are more likely to stick if they start small. Rather than attempting a major overhaul, start with manageable actions. For example, if you want to develop a habit of reading, start with just a few pages each day.
- Consistency: Habits are formed through repetition. Choose a regular time each day for your new habit, and stick to it as much as possible.
- Make it Rewarding: Positive reinforcement can help to make a habit stick. This could be an internal reward, such as the feeling of accomplishment, or an external reward like a small treat.
- Reflection and Adjustment: Reflect on how your new habit is going. Is it sustainable? Does it align with your goals? Adjustments might be necessary.
Breaking negative habits might involve similar steps but in reverse. Identify the habit you want to break, understand its triggers, and replace it with a more positive behavior.
Ultimately, Greitens underscores that our daily habits significantly shape our lives and our resilience. By cultivating positive habits and breaking negative ones, we can take proactive steps towards a more resilient, fulfilling life.
Mastery: Mastery is about becoming deeply skilled in a particular area. Greitens argues that the pursuit of mastery can foster resilience, as it involves commitment, patience, and the ability to overcome challenges.
In practical terms, pursuing mastery might involve setting specific, challenging goals in an area you’re passionate about, and then dedicating time and effort to achieve these goals.
Mastery is the process of becoming proficient or skilled in a particular area or discipline. It is the journey towards competence, the ongoing effort to improve, learn, and grow.
Mastery, in this context, is not just about acquiring skills or knowledge. It’s also about developing a mindset of continuous learning, resilience, and dedication. It involves understanding that proficiency is not a fixed state but a dynamic process that requires ongoing effort and practice.
In the context of resilience, mastery plays a vital role. Building skills and competencies gives us a sense of confidence and self-efficacy. It empowers us to navigate challenges more effectively, adapt to new circumstances, and make positive changes in our lives. When we have a sense of mastery, we feel capable and competent, which in turn bolsters our resilience.
Moreover, the process of working towards mastery—of persisting in the face of challenges, learning from failures, and continuously striving to improve—can foster resilience in and of itself. It helps us develop a growth mindset, learn to cope with setbacks, and cultivate a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Here’s how you might apply the concept of mastery in your daily life:
- Identify Your Areas of Interest: What skills or areas of knowledge are you passionate about? Where would you like to develop greater competency?
- Set Clear Goals: Define what mastery looks like to you in this area. This could be a specific level of skill, a particular accomplishment, or a sense of confidence and proficiency.
- Engage in Deliberate Practice: This means practicing with intention and focus, constantly seeking to improve, and actively seeking feedback.
- Persist in the Face of Challenges: Mastery requires resilience. It’s about persevering when things are tough, learning from failures, and continuously striving to improve.
- Cultivate a Growth Mindset: This is the belief that you can improve and grow through effort and learning. It’s about viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, rather than as insurmountable obstacles.
- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember, mastery is a journey, not a destination. Every step forward, no matter how small, is an accomplishment worth celebrating.
In conclusion, mastery is about more than just acquiring skills or knowledge. It’s about cultivating a mindset of continuous learning, resilience, and growth. By pursuing mastery, we can bolster our self-confidence, enhance our capabilities, and ultimately, foster greater resilience.
Happiness: Greitens views happiness not as a fleeting emotion but as a by-product of living a meaningful, fulfilling life. He suggests that happiness arises from pursuing a purpose, engaging in meaningful activities, and living in alignment with our values.
In our daily lives, we can seek happiness not by chasing it directly, but by focusing on living a meaningful, purpose-driven life. This might involve pursuing activities that give us a sense of fulfillment, fostering close relationships, and contributing positively to the world around us.
According to Greitens, happiness is not a perpetual state of bliss or an absence of challenges, but rather a deep and lasting sense of fulfillment that comes from living in accordance with our values, overcoming adversity, and making meaningful contributions. This understanding of happiness aligns with the concept of “eudaimonia,” an Ancient Greek term often translated as “flourishing” or “the good life,” which is different from temporary joy or pleasure.
Happiness, in the way Greitens speaks of it, arises from a sense of purpose, the pursuit of growth, and the cultivation of positive relationships. It’s about resilience in the face of challenges, about making choices that align with our values, and about actively engaging with life.
Here’s how you might cultivate this form of happiness in your everyday life:
- Live According to Your Values: Identify your core values and strive to make decisions and take actions that align with these. Living in a way that feels authentic and meaningful can contribute significantly to your sense of happiness.
- Embrace Challenges: Don’t shy away from difficulties. Instead, view them as opportunities for growth and learning. Overcoming adversity can strengthen your resilience and bring a profound sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
- Cultivate Positive Relationships: Relationships are a key component of happiness. Invest time and energy in building supportive, positive relationships with people who enrich your life.
- Pursue Growth: Continuous learning and self-improvement can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Seek out opportunities for growth and embrace a mindset of curiosity and exploration.
- Give Generously: Generosity, whether in terms of time, resources, or emotional support, can bring a profound sense of fulfillment. Acts of kindness and generosity have been shown to boost happiness.
- Practice Gratitude: Regularly expressing gratitude for the positive aspects of your life can help shift your focus away from negative experiences and boost your overall happiness.
Ultimately, Greitens suggests that happiness comes from living a life that feels meaningful and fulfilled. By pursuing your values, building resilience, and cultivating positive relationships, you can foster a deep and lasting sense of happiness.
Overall, “Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life” offers profound insights and practical guidance on how to build resilience and lead a meaningful life. It’s a compelling exploration of what it takes to navigate life’s challenges with strength, wisdom, and grace.
Again – do consider purchasing this book. It’s written from the heart and packed with wisdom.