Choose not to be harmed – an you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed – and you haven’t been.
Marcus aurelius – Meditations
If you are familiar with Stoicism, the philosophical approach favored by many influential figures of ancient Rome, you know that this quote by Marcus Aurelius forms the essence of their teachings. A Stoic at heart, Marcus was an emperor and a philosopher who deeply believed in the idea that we possess control over our own perceptions, reactions, and responses. His works have left us with valuable lessons that are as pertinent today as they were in his time. It may sound simplistic, yet in this simplicity is a profound, life-changing truth that we must absorb: the power of choice is within us.
It is essential to understand this concept not just as a self-help mantra but as a deeply ingrained attitude towards life. It’s not about positive thinking or ‘looking on the bright side.’ It’s a more profound and deliberate practice of discernment, where we must recognize what is within our control and what is not.
We often go through life feeling like victims of circumstance. We blame others for our misfortunes, get annoyed by the traffic, feel hurt by a friend’s comment, or rage against the political chaos. We surrender our peace of mind to these external elements, forgetting that they can only harm us if we let them.
But how can we start to embody this practice in our lives? The first step is the awareness that our feelings are responses, not inevitabilities. You may not be able to control an event, but you can manage your interpretation of it. If a colleague criticizes your work, you can choose to perceive it as a personal attack or as constructive feedback. It is your interpretation, your chosen response, that decides whether you feel harmed.
Take a moment to think about an incident that upset you recently. Now, detach yourself from the situation and assess it objectively. Could you have chosen to react differently? Is there a way you could have felt less hurt or upset by not assigning a negative meaning to it?
The second step is acceptance. The world, as it turns out, does not bend to our desires. Accidents happen, people disappoint, plans fail. When we cease resisting reality and start accepting it as it is, we find peace. By acknowledging that we cannot control everything, we shift our energy to areas within our control: our responses, our emotions, our actions.
This stoic practice is not about denying the negativity in life, but about discerning what we can change and what we must accept. It is the realization that a lot of our pain comes not from the events themselves, but from our resistance to these events.
Finally, the power of choice is a muscle that strengthens with exercise. Every time we successfully choose not to feel harmed, we reinforce the belief that we are, indeed, in control of our emotions. It’s a skill that requires constant practice, but the reward is a more resilient mindset and a life of tranquility.
Remember, external circumstances can only affect you if you permit them to. Your well-being is not a product of your surroundings, but your perceptions and responses to them.
“Choose not to be harmed – and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed – and you haven’t been.”
The wisdom of Marcus Aurelius offers us a beautiful reminder of our inherent power. As you navigate life, remember this power, this choice, is always yours.